


Re:World(s)

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mages, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mercy Killing, Quests, SHSL Rare Pair Week, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Komaeda has a quest that means the world to him and can only be fully completed with the help of an advanced adventurer. When he hears about the upcoming and promising Nanami Chiaki, he's all too excited to recruit her for this mission he's devoted his life to seeing the end of, at all costs. In spite of all those previous failures by other adventurers, he has a good feeling about Nanami. After all, he has no doubt she had the strength capable of finishing this once and for all.</p>
<p>She's perfect for it. Or so he thinks at first.</p>
<p>Because then she starts worrying him the longer they're together, all the more so when they start getting closer and closer and she really seems to trust and care for him in a way previous adventurers hadn't. Nor should have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Re:World(s)

**Author's Note:**

> What happened. Fantasy AU happened. This happened the LAST time I wrote a Fantasy AU too. I'm just too invested in stupid Fantasy AU.
> 
> This was supposed to be for SHSL Rare Pair Week (and it still is even if it's overkill) and I swear it's like the only fic for that week that turned into a complete monster. Thanks Komaeda.
> 
> Cross-posted from my tumblr, of course, like the last three fics and the next three too.

He had heard about her before any of this. How could he not? When it came to reputations, few spread as quickly as those of adventurers. Heroes, basically, who explored vast regions, discovering new things along with areas, and fighting off the fierce monsters that terrorized others.

In other words... _exactly_ the kind of person he hoped for.

 All the more so when there was just so much bustle about this adventurer—a one Nanami Chiaki, raised by peaceful rabbits in spite of her promise and prowess, known for a multitude of capabilities and completed quests under her belt, with word about this wonderful woman spreading so far that once news hit that she’d be in the area—well, it was almost as though royalty had arrived.

It was fortunate, then, that his general area was always that inn that all the adventurers favored. It was the perfect place for surveying them—wondering if this one would be the adventurer he was searching for all this time. Sometimes, he’d be buzzing with so much excitement that it was difficult keeping his sparking magic at bay.

Sometimes how the adventurers responded to his magic determined his deduction on them. Whether they’d notice, glance his direction, or ask Hinata at the desk about him. Hinata always brushed any concerns off, but always shot him a wary glance afterwards. Komaeda knew him well enough to understand.

This time though, his magic’s coming off in heavy waves with how jittery he is and Nanami isn’t even here yet. It’s enough that Hinata notices on his own, in spite of his dull sense for it.

“So you’re that excited, huh, Komaeda?” The question’s casual, but Hinata is a bit tense as he wipes down his desk, sucking in his breath. “You weren’t like this with the last big name adventurer, you know.”

“I’ve just got an especially good feeling, Hinata-kun! Doesn’t the very name _Nanami Chiaki_ spark a flame in your heart?! She’s something special! I’m sure of it!”

“I’ll take your word for it.” There was a bit of a blush rising on the brunet’s cheeks. One that had Komaeda perk up and wonder, even as he hastily continued, “But I remember what happened last time you said an adventurer had promise. And, well, you were really upset when you came back... I worry about that happening again.”

“Ah, yes...” Komaeda does remember and it puts such an unpleasant taste in his mouth that he grimaces. “But, I doubt that even if Nanami-san is disappointing that she’ll be _that_ disappointing.”

“You really shouldn’t make assumptions about people before you meet them, is what I mean, Komaeda.”

He understood that much. Hinata had said this before—many, many times before and in many ways. But, he...

He just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help it at all.

* * *

“Izuru’s not back with supplies and there’s stuff I need that I didn’t tell him to get.” Hinata cursed, throwing his shawl around his shoulders and gathering his bag as he did. “Komaeda, can you handle things for a bit? I hate to put this on you but...”

“Say no more.” With a skip to his step, Komaeda took his place at the desk, smiling encouragingly and straightening some papers as he did. Hinata nods, and then, quickly, he hurries out. Thus Komaeda waits.

And waits. And waits.

Normally when Komaeda takes over, there’s little need for it. People avoid this inn a lot more when Hinata’s not here—and maybe it’s because of his magic, weighing down the air and making the atmosphere uncomfortable. Honestly, he’s a bit ashamed for it. Hinata and Kamukura really deserved more than this, but because they always put up with him...

He doesn’t stay here so often because it’s a common place for adventurers. Not really. Even if that is a huge bonus. It’s really just sad—outside of this inn, there’s really nowhere for him to—

The door opened with a ding, and Komaeda straightened up, smiling, expecting either Kamukura or Hinata again. It isn’t either of them.

He seizes up with surprise. The aura off this person can’t be mistaken for anything else.

“Um... Is this Kibougamine Inn?” The woman yawns, rubbing at her eye and rolling her shoulders. “I heard that this is where adventurers usually stop. I think.”

“You’ve come at the right place. You want a room, right?” Komaeda’s smile twitched, his gaze brightening. “Ah, well, sadly I can’t sell you anything as I don’t actually work here. But one of them should be back any moment now—so why don’t you sign up for a room and _relax_ in the mean time?”

“That sounds nice...” she mutters, drifting towards him and reaching into one of her bags to pull out a coin purse. She popped it open, humming, and Komaeda’s eyes ran up and down her figure.

Soft. Soft-looking features. Soft pink hair, a soft pink gaze, dressed in all the heavy layers expected from a serious adventurer. Shorter than he expected, actually, but with an aura that rumbled off her in waves—vast and fixating.

Even if everything’s not exactly as he expected, there’s no _doubting_.

“Here’s my money. Is this the right amount?” When he nods, she smiles—so very _softly_. “Thank you. Please put it under Nanami Chiaki.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nanami-san,” he whispered, and swiftly took her payment. He was too quiet for her to hear, but she remained sincerely grateful, accepting the key he handed her.

The spark that went through his body from his cold fingers brushing against the warmth of her own was almost enough to have him trembling.

* * *

Even though Hinata’s warning still resounds in the back of his mind, he’s almost certain that this time— _for sure, for sure_ —Nanami is all he ever hoped for. There’s no doubting that kind of aura, he thinks, one that could so easily overpower his own and still his twitching fingers. Maybe making him twitch with pure excitement if nothing else.

Nanami may look unassuming, in spite of those layers, but he’s sure of her strength. He’s sure of it.

Even as she sleeps on the table that morning, breakfast pushed aside with her face pressed into the wood almost as though she was knocked out. Hinata almost thought she was—but she snored when he tapped her shoulder and he just left it at that.

Komaeda, seeing the opportunity, decided to shake her awake.

“Nanami-san,” he says, fond and light. “Nanami-san, _Nanami-saaaan_.”

“Mmgh... Usami...chan... Not _now_...” Her head shook a bit, turning so that she could lay on her cheek, lips squirming as she made a rumbling noise from deep inside her throat. Komaeda stared in fascination before, unable to help himself, burst out giggling.

Somehow, that scratchy, wheezy laughter of his was what had her eyes fluttering open.

“Oh, not Usami-chan. Um.” Tiredly, she pushed herself up, yawning before those lips pulled into a polite smile. “Ah, good morning. Um. Your name was...?”

“I never introduced myself did I?” he asked, cheerful as always. “Komaeda Nagito. It’s really a pleasure. I...”

_I was waiting so long to meet you._

“You’re a mage. I am, too, but you might’ve noticed already, I think.” Creaking her neck and letting those joints pop, she met his gaze dully but perked up in interest. “But you’re no ordinary mage, are you, Komaeda-kun?”

“I’d like to say someone like me is as ordinary as it gets but, hmm, you’ve got quite the intensity in your stare, Nanami-san.” _Good._ “I’m from the Jabberwock district. I assume you know how that place is.”

Wretched was his favorite word for it. Jabberwock was a despicable place filled with such destructive creatures and plants—he hated that place, even now, especially now. Even the surprisingly calm memories of his smiling parents filled him with a bitterness that had him want to bite his tongue.

“I’ve been there,” Nanami said, but there was a flicker of emotion in her eyes that flashed by too fast for him to decipher. A smile spread just as quickly across her lips. “I never actually met anyone from there. I’d like to go back someday—what was it like growing up there?”

_Wretched. Disgusting. Full of des—_

“The skies are much darker. But on some nights, you can see the stars and they’re still very beautiful. The air’s a bit hard to breathe in some places though. It’s probably poisonous but I’ve never thoroughly explored Jabberwock. For the longest time, I was walled up in my village so...” Komaeda paused. Then that smile widened, just a bit, brightening a bit more. “Sorry Nanami-san. There’s really not much I can say about it...”

“You don’t have to. It’s okay. Interesting, too.” She picked a bit at her food, humming, before speaking up a bit. “Komaeda-kun, there’s something heavy on your mind, isn’t there? If I can help, then...”

“Can you?!” he exclaimed, sudden enough that it would have startled anyone—it certainly startled Hinata—but not Nanami. Nanami remained steady and unmoved, and in complete reverence, Komaeda’s eyes lit up in euphoria. “You’re really going to offer your help, Nanami-san?! To someone like me?!”

“...Yeah. Sure.” She nodded like it was the easiest thing to do. “I always complete as many side-quests as I can—it’s part of being an adventurer, right? Helping all the townsfolk?”

Making it sound as simple as a fetching quest or mere monster hunting that was little more than pest extermination at times. Yet Nanami still looked serious and resolute, and she didn’t even know what it was he wanted. She really should be warier of those who approach adventurers due to being too weak and pathetic to solve their own problems.

But maybe she just thought it’d be nothing. With her skill and his expectations, he hoped that’d be the case.

“It’s a dangerous and wretched favor to ask. Others before you have failed to complete the task and have even lost their lives.” Nanami’s eyes grew wider, but her lips pulled into a deep, straight line. At such a serious expression matching adventurers of before even though their eyes had also been sparkling with intrigue, his smile widened. _Surely she won’t be like them, either._

“Nanami-san, I want you to slay the monster that destroyed and slaughtered my entire village.”

* * *

The silence that followed was heavy, weighed down further by his magic, flickering and curling like flames licking up the air. In Komaeda’s eyes burned that same fire, fierce and uncontrolled, and Nanami could only stare.

Her expression was difficult to read. Was it horror? Unease? Komaeda was about to falter, the disappointment already creeping in when...

“You lost your entire home, Komaeda-kun?” Nanami’s features twisted with sympathy. He could only blink at the slow reaction.

“...Yes.”

It was why he left Jabberwock in the first place, simple as that, in spite of how much he looks back with resentment. Adventurer after adventurer hadn’t really focused on that little detail—more were interested in what kind of monster it was, especially with his inability to fully describe it. They were cocky, blood pumping with excitement—and, well, that blood ended up spilling when they fell to it.

“You know, revenge isn’t the right answer,” Nanami was saying, snapping him out of those thoughts, making his eyes widen at the words. “There are other ways to receive closure for the tragedy, I think...”

“Oh Nanami-san, you misunderstand,” he quips, quick and to the point. “I ask not out of self-interest but out of pure intentions. See, the monster that destroyed everything was—terr _i_ fying! Uncontrollable, _erratic_ destruction waiting to happen! To let something like that continue to roam free is—inexcusable, really. What if it strikes this wonderful little town next? Or another one? Wouldn’t that just be awful if such tragedy was allowed to occur again and _again_?”

Nanami met his gaze evenly, but also solemnly, with a deeply imprinted frown. Enough that there were almost dimples to the expression—for an advanced adventurer, she really looked young. Almost childish, but he knew how such things could be used to one’s advantage.

This too, could be an act for that advantage.

But it didn’t feel right to doubt Nanami Chiaki, regardless of his reasoning. No, in fact, it felt wrong. Like he was getting her all _wrong_. It was a surprisingly unpleasant feeling.

“Komaeda-kun,” she began, soft and far too careful, “Do you truly think that way?”

“Of course!” But, for once, he faltered, weighing in the possibility for the first time with something that ran deeper than disappointment. “Does this mean you reconsidered? That’s...saddening, but maybe it’s not that surprising since it might seem like a waste of time...”

“I don’t think it seems like a waste of time,” Nanami corrected quickly, surprising him. “I can tell that this is a various serious matter to you. I won’t take it lightly and I shall do my best.”

He would have kissed her shoes had she allowed it. The smile was so wide on his face that it hurt.

“Thank you, Nanami-san!!”

* * *

Truth is, this feeling never gets old when an adventurer accepts his quest. It’s heart-pounding excitement, and he feels it no less stronger than when Nanami restocks her supplies and he helps. Of course, he’s going as well; he always attends the journey with the adventurer—it’d be rude, after all, to send such kind admirable people on a wild goose chase.

_“I can’t exactly describe what the monster was like in terms of appearance,”_ he always said when questioned about it. _“But I can tell you I’ll never forget their aura. So when the time comes, I’ll surely be able to identify it.”_

Nanami was by far the least skeptical and the most accepting of that explanation. She really was trusting—to the point of naiveté, really. It wasn’t even a case of her just mindlessly complying with the setup like some others. She really looked at him like she was putting her faith in him.

A _ah_ , it should have been beyond disappointing to find a weakness of the great Nanami Chiaki so quickly but... It wasn’t that upsetting. Not really.

Ignoring the worried looks Hinata shot him along with the suspicious glances of Kamukura, Komaeda fluttered around Nanami like he was delightfully caught in her orbit. Admiring, adoring— _unsettling, he knows, too, but can’t bring himself to care_ —and Nanami only ever smiles in his direction like she’s happy to have him join.

It’s enough that he’s trembling, that he’s practically struggling to keep his magic from flaring. Before, adventurers were indifferent if not dismissive! He could take that so easily with a smile but _Nanami_ —she has him twitching all over from his lips to his fingers. It’s like any moment he could—

_No._ He forces himself to calm down because at that point, Kamukura has dully thanked Nanami for her purchase and she returned it. Hajime’s half-heartedly scolding Kamukura to be more polite and amiable. Kamukura is scoffing but Nanami just hums, content. Komaeda watches this, and he forces it down to the point where it’s almost like he’s smothering himself. _Not here._

**_Not here—_ never _here—never, never,_ never _Kibougamine—_**

“Komaeda-kun, I’m ready to go,” Nanami announces. He quickly snaps up, responds, and trails after her as obediently as ever.

Just as he’s reached that door, Hinata calls out. “Hey, Komaeda?”

He stops dead in his tracks. Thankfully, Nanami waits as well, looking back curiously and it’s the first time Komaeda has to tear his eyes from her to look back at the brunet. That inn worker, who still looked wary as he always did when Komaeda left with an adventurer.

“You’re always welcome back,” Hinata says this every time. “So, er, see you later...?”

He smiles, and nods for Hinata’s sake. But truth be told, he’s always hoping that each time he leaves on these journeys, he ends up never coming back here. His farewells wished to Hinata and Kamukura are always silent—but he wants to mean them with every fiber of his being.

But it’s not like he can say such things so easily. With that in mind, he waves, wishes everyone well as Nanami repeats those regards, and he follows after her, walking quickly to catch up so that he’s close enough to brush up against her side.

Hinata wishes him success this time, better luck this time, while Kamukura stays silent, and these are just more little weak reasons he’s never been able to say what he really meant.

* * *

There’s always such freshness in the air when on a journey different from the warm, dull familiarity of Kibougamine Inn. He always breathed it in so happily, so contently, and it’s calming enough that even his aura settles. He still shivers a bit, searching over the lands at the trees and chipper fauna, at the endless blue sky above. That endless blue, blue sky, so different from the dark violet expanse blanketing the district of Jabberwock.

He never could tire of it. And with how Nanami sighed and breathed in this air as well, he couldn’t be happier that she seemed to share the sentiment. Happier—there was so much _happiness_ in this moment that he was excited all over again.

“Komaeda-kun...”

“Ah, yes?” he asks cheerfully, turning towards her with his widest grin. “What is it, Nanami-san?’

“I was wondering... I’m sorry, but I asked Kamukura-kun and Hinata-kun about you...” Komaeda does still, rocking on his heels. Nanami blinks drearily with a lowered gaze, perhaps embarrassed. “You usually stay at the Kibougamine Inn, right? You only leave with an adventurer, but when you return, you stay until the next comes and accepts your quest. Is that true?”

There’s no reason for him to hide that. “Yes. It is.”

“Hmm. You seem to enjoy being out here a lot though—so you don’t leave on your own? It always has to be with an adventurer?”

“No. Yes.” His head tilted, smile quirking just a bit higher. “I wouldn’t dare go out on my own. I have to wait. I’d wait however long it took to meet the adventurer who can surely defeat that monster. You can even say it’s my life’s purpose. There’s certainly nothing else that concerns me.”

“Is that...so?” Her brow furrowed. “You can...just go out every now and then and run into adventurers that way, I think. Wouldn’t that be more exciting?”

“Perhaps but,” Komaeda shrugged. “If I had done that, do you think we would have met, Nanami-san?”

Nanami blinked at him but didn’t answer. All the same, he went on, bright as his arms extended. “I think meeting Nanami-san may turn out to be worth all that waiting. I’m happy things turned out this way instead. Besides, I liked Kibougamine Inn’s comfort. I’m content with the time I spent there as well.”

“I...” The adventurer paused for a moment. Hesitation? _Ah, had he really unnerved her already_ —“I think I feel the same way, actually.” She was smiling, soft and sweet. “I’m happy we’re going to be working together for a while, Komaeda-kun.”

It was such a nice smile. The kind that could both still and stir a heart. The kind that was warm to the point that you felt just how _cold_ you were prior to it.  And Komaeda felt coldness to the point he shivered and it had _nothing to do with his magic acting up_.

“So where’s the monster going to be, Komaeda-kun?” Her question brought him back to reality, brought his magic back to sparking in recognition, and he couldn’t help but let out the sigh he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Nanami blinked at him innocently, still curiously awaiting his real response. “Komaeda-kun?”

“Jabberwock,” he breathes rather than bites out. “I’ll take you there, Nanami-san. I haven’t forgotten the way back home.”

She nods as though it’s simple. It isn’t. It really, really, isn’t.

It’s a wonder why he still can’t be disappointed.

* * *

He counts each and every day he spends with Nanami as he does with other adventurers. He still remembers how many days each one before her lasted—51 days, 55 days, 125 days, 32 days, and quite a few didn’t even last what could have been  a short month—and for Nanami, he wonders how long it’ll take. It’s already been over the common number of days—55, to be precise.

When it comes to Nanami, he’s learned that above all else, even her skill and strength, she’s someone who really wants to help and support others.

One of their stops during all this time was another village. The inn wasn’t Kibougamine Inn with the workers most certainly not like Kamukura or Hinata—though they _were_ that familiar, generic brand of kind—but such things mattered little, no matter how much he missed all of that. But, if there was something that caught his attention, it was Nanami, who make it a point to speak to every townsperson she came across before resting at that inn, and solving their minor, menial troubles as she went. Komaeda kept up without word, but when she apologized to him for taking so much time, he did nothing but wave it off with a smile.

It’s a bit strange. When not running around for those others, she naps. Maybe it’s tiring, even for someone like her, to do this much. It’s strange—she sleeps so peacefully when she does, as though she dreams of a world without worries, and watching her as she takes those naps from time to time, he wouldn’t have guessed she was the kind of person who took countless weights upon her shoulders for others. It’s strange—it’s incredible. She’s beyond impressive.

She’s worrying.

She can barely keep her awake for this one person thanking her cheerily after having her run around the entire village back and forth. They’re just laughing, patting her shoulder while she stumbles a bit to keep herself from straying. It really hadn’t been necessary for her to go out of her way for them—they could have just done the deed _themselves_. But Nanami offered her help. It was this way for quite a few of them.

“Nanami-san, let’s return to the inn,” he coaxes, taking her shoulder and squeezing them. She makes a soft sound as he presses his thumbs into where the knots are. It’s only the least he could do. “It’s getting late, isn’t it? Jabberwock is still rather far, I believe, and we need all the rest we can get if we leave in the morning, hmm?”

“But... Doesn’t Shikiba-kun still need herbs and help with his garden?” she yawned, voice breaking just a bit. “A _ah_ , and after that... I need to tell Murasame-kun about...”

“Nanami-san,” Komaeda squeezes harder, pulling her closer and lowering his calm, chipper tone into something more like a drone, “It’s always nice to be offered support, but isn’t there a time when such things are just superfluous? If you ask when you can already stand well enough on your own? Isn’t that so sickeningly _self-indulgent_? And, isn’t it, don’t you think, rather contrary to keep supporting when you can barely stand yourself? Aren’t sacrifices the worst when they’re _senseless_? It’s all so _stupid_ , don’t you think?”

“That is true, I think,” Nanami murmured, and just as that smile slipped across his lips, she went on. “But, I don’t think it’s stupid, or really that senseless. Maybe it is—but that’s not going to stop me from helping others if they ask. That’s just how I am with everyone—that includes Komaeda-kun, right?”

That smile completely dropped, and his voice went cold. “There’s a difference between ridding the world of a monster and granting someone moments of _idleness_ by overtaking their responsibilities.”

“Oh, you’re right,” she nodded. She didn’t even shiver; just nodded like he corrected her on the time or day. “Sorry, Komaeda-kun, I didn’t mean to offend you, but did you...at least get the general gist of what I was trying to explain about myself...?”

He didn’t answer.

“Maybe I’m too tired to keep running around after all,” Nanami said, drearily and sluggishly before she yawned. “Maybe turning in for the day is a good idea after all—I can always go around early to- _morrow_ , I think. But I don’t know if I can walk...”

“It’s not too far,” Komaeda muttered, flat and even. “I’ll just carry you back if needed, Nanami-san.”

“Oh, thank you, Komaeda-kun.” She smiles widely and sleepily at him over her shoulder, still so at ease even though he’s so close. Even though for a while now, his aura had been pulsing against her own, wavering and flickering about until the moment she’d be awake enough for it to be pushed back down.

Yet Nanami didn’t seem to mind. “You’re very kind, in your own way, I think.”

Not _really_ , he thinks. But he’s not in the mood to correct her. Carrying her as he said he would, on his back with her arms wrapped around his neck and resting her cheek against the thick hood of his white robe, surely starting to doze off as she did, was much, much easier.

* * *

Nanami is too kind to others. Nanami expects too much from others. But Nanami  _is_ very strong-willed and incredible. She’s both everything he ever hoped for and—everything he’s ever feared he’d end up with when recruiting adventurers, as it turned out. Already his plan lies out before him—he’s never forgotten the ruined expanse that used to be his home, he remembers so clearly with each trip he’s made there with each previous adventurer.

He always expected a very particular result: either the adventurer or the monster dead, their life force used to fruitlessly nurse that utterly destroyed land, regardless of success or failure. Though maybe part of him hopes that recovery is possible when the monster’s dead; he’s never known for sure if that would be the case. But it sounds like a fine repentance.

With Nanami, it does seem possible that the land might regain its beauty—if she kills the monster, of course. And, well, Komaeda has no doubt that she could overpower the monster honestly. Nanami does fight off creatures that attack them—most likely startled by his aura, he knows, and defending their own for it—and she duels people who ask, but...

Now that he thinks about it, he’s never seen her actually kill anything. He wonders if she’s really _capable_ of killing. If the monster could even force her hand to do so. He hopes she is. One of them has to be dead—but he wonders. He doesn’t know for sure if she can.

She’s really, really worrying. Perhaps he should just ditch her after all and run back to Kibougamine Inn to grab someone else. Even if it’s someone that’s inferior to her skill in every way—they just have to kill. That’s all he needs. That’s all he _wants_.

He should. She’s sleeping really heavily in their unfortunately shared room. She’s not going to notice him slipping out. It’d be insultingly simple to escape.

Nanami’s turned to him, slumbering peacefully, those soft features smoothed into calm, in that world without worries. He wonders if she dreams of it even while awake—hence why she tries so hard for others. Maybe even hence why she’s so open to him when she shouldn’t be.

She sleeps and sleeps and his chest swells and swells until he can’t bring himself to move after all; until he’s stuck there, staring and stupefied by this young woman who, for all her strength and capability, worried him for her softness and consideration.

It bothered him. Because, if this goes on, and they’re finally home and she’s going to have to face off against that monster and if she won’t _kill_ it—

**_...What am I supposed to do?_ **

* * *

He’s long since accepted that the fault is all his. Everything is his fault. The situation, the waiting, all those dead adventurers he can’t even mourn as sorry as he is—everything.

If Nanami dies after all, it’ll be the same.

**_y_** _ou did this **you** did this _**you** _did thi_ s

He knows that better than anyone. It still hurts to think, more than he expected and had already known it would if such was the result. It’s at the point where just looking at Nanami’s back as she walks ahead, short pink tresses swaying with the light breeze and bounce of her step, hurt. It also hurt because when the sun reflected on her and those locks, it made her too bright to look at. And it wasn’t like he could stop.

“Hah...” he breathes, fingers against the thrumming pulse of his neck as his eyes squeezed tight. “What am I supposed to do, Nanami-san? It’s not like I can just...”

“Just what?” Komaeda stopped dead in his tracks, eyes popping back open with the realization that Nanami was now facing him, finger clasped around her back and leaning towards him, her eyes bright with curiosity. “Just now, what were you saying? Is something worrying you?”

He doesn’t miss that she’s speaking to him the same way she speaks to townsfolk who end up having quests for her. As though the quest he gave her from the start isn’t enough. She might not mean it that way, but it does bug him, making his initial smile twitch.

“I’m worried about that monster, of course,” he stated smoothly. “I’m not comfortable with the thought of it just roaming around, especially when this place,” His gaze momentarily swept the area, at all the people bustling, gossiping, and some of them even noticing Nanami and waving at her happily—“might even be at risk.”

“You really think so?” Nanami asked, more curious than serious but straightening her posture all the same. “In that case, I guess we should get going after all. I think I’ve handled everyone’s problems and, well, it’s a long way to Jabberwock from here as you said before. But I think even if it’s not that early anymore, we can still make a safe journey. I got a really good sword and, well, your magic’s good too.”

_...Good?_ “Nanami-san, I wouldn’t...”

“Wouldn’t?”

“It’s dangerous to rely on erratic magic like mine, I mean. I wouldn’t do that.”

“I guess that’s a good point, but,” Nanami just shrugged. “You’re a good person, so I have no problem relying on you, Komaeda-kun.”

_...Huh?_

**H** _uh huh **huh** huh _**huh**?

“Nanami-san, you’re really...worrying.” Komaeda shook his head, laughter harsh on his throat. Still Nanami kept a straight-lipped serious expression, not seeming to accept any arguments and there was really no way to win there. That, in the very least, was somewhat comforting. “L... Let’s just go, then. Last minute restocking and then we’ll be on our way, okay?”

Nanami’s smile was wide and she nodded eagerly. “Yes!”

* * *

Worrying. Nanami Chiaki is really, truly,  _despairingly_ , worrying. But she still wins her challenges—has never really failed anyone—so maybe he’s worrying too much? Maybe he’s overthinking everything. Maybe Nanami won’t even hesitate. Surely she’ll understand, at least.

He hopes so. Because otherwise, _what is he supposed to_ —

“Ooh, the sky has gotten darker,” Nanami commented, staring up at the reddening sky with awe. “I think it is due to toxins in the air—well, it’s clear enough for the moment, at least. I have gas masks if it’ll get to be too much though.”

“It’s no big deal if it affects me.” Komaeda replied simply. “I’m distressingly durable; my magic keeps me up even when my feet won’t.”

“It does?” She blinked those curious eyes back at him before her lips pulled into a deep pout. “Even if it does, it’s no good to strain yourself so recklessly and senselessly. Besides, I bought this gas mask for you to use when needed and nothing else. It’s no good to just not use it because whatever.”

“Well, I suppose that’s true, isn’t it?” he laughs. “Thank you, Nanami-san, for your consideration. But, and I’m deeply sorry for this, I might not need it. The air of this place doesn’t bother me at all.”

“It’s...wrong to downplay concerns, Komaeda-kun.”

“I mean it, really!” he insisted, voice rising with a swirl in his gaze that had her perk up. “But, if I do need it, I’ll let you know, Nanami-san.”

Nanami looked unconvinced before quickly smiling, gentle, carefully, and despite everything, making his breath catch. “You _will_ let me know, right, Komaeda-kun?”

He managed to nod, his own smile tightening. It should have been enough, but she went on,

“If anything’s bothering you—you should definitely tell me, I think. In the very least, I can’t really help as much as I want to if I don’t understand the situation.”

His head drops and there’s nothing else to it. Mercifully, rather than pushing, Nanami does leave it at that so that they can continue on their way without much else.

* * *

Jabberwock’s night sky is always achingly lovely when it’s clear out. It’s cold enough that it still bites, but he stills stares, fixated at the stars, and magic pulses through his veins as his fingers twitch. Nanami, finished scouting their would-be camping area, just hummed calmly as she felt out for a place to rest.

There was a fire set up at first, conjured by a quick spell, though Nanami also contained it carefully so that it didn’t spread. Had she been any less careful, it would have spread. Such things happened before in spite of his warnings, but Nanami listened to him.

“You really believe the best in others, don’t you, Nanami-san.”

“Hmm?” She peeked at him over her shoulder, smoothing down the grass before plopping down onto her back, sighing. For a moment, Komaeda wondered if she’d just sleep like that, but then she pushed herself up to a sitting position, her stare back on him, focused and intent. “Is that a bad thing, Komaeda-kun?”

“Did my tone imply it was? Well, I didn’t mean to come off like that.” He stretched, fingers wringing and the joints popping. “We may be fellow mages, but, there’s a world of difference between the two of us—so I wouldn’t act like we’re equals or partners or anything of the sort. Nanami-san, I suspected this, but you’re a _healer_ at heart, aren’t you?”

She did perk up a bit, lips falling open. “So you noticed... Your sense is really strong.”

“It’s always been!” Komaeda exclaimed, twirling around with his arms held out wide and a wide, wide smile on his face. “My parents used to say I had a talent, but, I don’t know about that. I was born this way and, well—I don’t have as much control as Nanami-san.”

“You shouldn’t sell your abilities short, Komaeda-kun.”  Nanami kindly pointed out. “And control is always something you can improve.”

“...Is it? Is it is it is it? Nanami-san, you really believe the best in others... _Don’t you_?”

“Everyone’s capable of besting themselves.” She made it sound so simple. “Everyone is capable, after all.”

“Some people’s ‘best’ won’t be considered good enough. Someone’s ‘best’ can be someone else’s ‘worst’.” Komaeda’s smile stretched across his lips, voice going lighter and higher. “Everyone is _capable_ , but some are more **_capable_** than others.”

“Komaeda-kun,” Nanami was softer, sterner. “Thinking that way is dangerous. When it comes to yourself, _you’re_ the one who matters most.”

“You would say that...” Amusedly, he chuckled into his hand. “Kind, considerate Nanami-san whose birth dictated her talent would be _healing_ at first—it’s only **_fitting_**.”

“You didn’t counter my point, Komaeda-kun.”

“Ah.” She was right. Right, right, right. “Nanami-san, it’s late. But we’re close. We’ll be at our destination tomorrow, I’m sure of it. Ehe, the idea of someone who was born a healer going up to fight that wretched despairing monster is exciting. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do.”

“It is late,” she just agreed, sighing. “Komaeda-kun, you should rest too. Settle down, a bit, I think. Is something else on your mind, though...?”

“Well, I was thinking...” Rocking on his heels, he looked up at that vast, striking starlit sky above. “The night of my village’s destruction was a clear one like this. I was so fixated that I couldn’t even cry. To be fair, it was easier looking at the cosmos than the corpses.”

“Komaeda-kun...” Nanami began, but then she backtracked. He wasn’t sure what she wanted to say before that, but to be honest, he didn’t think he really wanted to know. She just patted the area beside her. “Let’s rest. Tomorrow’s another day.”

“It is,” he murmured, going down to join her and going so much quieter as she flicked off the fire with the motion of her hands. Even without it, starlight caught in her hair and eyes as she turned to him meaningfully, and he could only lie beside her as implicitly told to. “It most certainly will be.”

* * *

That morning, he woke up with Nanami curled so close to him that he felt her thrumming warmth, and he felt how, thanks to her aura, his had somehow remained calm even with his eyes flickering open. Waking up came with an epiphany that burst from his lips in the way his magic would from his being.

“Nanami-san,” His voice was largely blank, and he wasn’t ever sure how audible it was but, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I think I like you too much. I might have even fallen in love—isn’t that _awful_ , considering what’s going to happen today? Do you even _know_?”

Nanami twitched, but then sighed, still in that serene slumber, in that world without worries. Komaeda smiled at her, and, being the most sickening kind of selfish, brushed the pink bangs from her face oh so softly.

“Nanami-san,” he whispered, tapping her cheek with his fingers. “You’re going to slay that monster today, okay? Please promise me you will. _Please_.”

Her eyes fluttered open, voice heavy with sleep as she spoke, “Komaeda-kun... Is it time to go?”

“Yes,” Komaeda says simply, pushing himself up and then throwing out his hand for her to take. “Yes, it is.”

* * *

For the last leg of their journey, they’re very close. He doesn’t just follow her, they walk together, close enough to feel one another’s warmth and close enough for their auras to mingle. It’s a dizzying feeling, one of both despair and excitement that Komaeda silently relishes in, while Nanami tugs on his sleeve every now and then to make sure he doesn’t drift too far. At least, that’s why he thinks she does.

He doesn’t really want to ask her why. Not when they’re so close to home— _to each other_ —and that excitement builds and builds. His aura might be fierce enough to scare off any beasts or creatures, because nothing bothers them and besides his mood, the walk is eerily calm.

It’s mostly silent too. Up until they’re up that hill, and Komaeda spies those tell-tale patches of utterly ruined grass and land. It’s still dark, still dead, still a despairing, desolate ground that happened to be the cemetery of his world.

There’s still rubble of that old wall that they have to walk past, and Nanami eyes the rocks intently, along with the remains of destroyed homes and other houses, up until they reach a bit of a clearing. A round area where the ground was mostly cleared. Komaeda, perking up in glee, takes that moment to rush up to it, to the remains of the statute that used to be the centerpiece. He still recognized the sculpture, could still remember what it looked like when whole.

“I used to think this was an entryway to hell when I was younger! If you moved or broke the statue, you’d find yourself in hell!” Komaeda laughed brightly. “Some of the kids still climbed on it anyway and—well, it wasn’t actually cursed. But I was still convinced. When I saw it broken that day... Well, you probably guessed how that fed into my dread and despair, Nanami-san.”

Nanami was looking at him with that stern gaze and tight straight-line of her lips again, revealing those endearing dimples of hers. Her voice was steady, firm as she called his name, “Komaeda-kun.”

“...This isn’t the time to fondly reminisce, is it? No, no it’s not,” His chuckle was a bit more rueful, stare on that broken statue dulling before he pivoted around to face Nanami again, that same smile on his face. “It’s the final battle, right? At least, I sure hope it is this time! Another failure would be just so fatiguing, and don’t you think there’s more than enough death tainting this ground already? It’s already exuding such despair and the idea of adding to it disgusts me.”

She looks around, frown deepening and features twisting mournfully. “It’s really been devastated, hasn’t it? And all this time, it still doesn’t know how to heal itself.”

“It’s all because of that monster, destroying everything and everyone and still being allowed to roam around.” Komaeda said simply, humming as he did. “What a troublesome, despicable creature. Once it’s destroyed here, then that will be that, I hope. Doesn’t that almost sound poetic? Starting and ending at the same place? I can’t think of this despairing tale _ending_ any other way.”

“...Komaeda-kun...” There it was—a waver in Nanami’s expression. Weakness even at a time like this. He wanted to laugh. And laugh and laugh until he suffocated, even as she called out to him again. “Komaeda- _kun_...!”

He did laugh. So hard it hurt. It really, really hurt and he couldn’t stop until he did, going dead quiet, asking in a low, calm voice. “Nanami-san, you commented on how strong my magic sense must be to identify what kind of mage you were. Tell me, Nanami-san, with how strong you are; don’t you _know_ what my kind of magic is?”

When she didn’t immediately answer, he insisted, his voice rising. “ _Surely_ you’ve noticed by now—surely you’ve _realized_.”

Nanami just sighed.  “Komaeda-kun, you’re a kind person.” She said that so _simply_. “That’s what matters to me.”

“That’s not an answer,” he replied, shoulders quivering. “That’s not good enough. Not good enough, Nanami-san, you’re going to _disappoint_ me.”

She stared at him with that sad look. Sad, almost stricken. Then, sighing heavier, she said, quietly, “I noticed. I might have figured it out, maybe.”

“ _Maybe_?” Komaeda echoed, loud and wide-eyed. “What do you mean, Nanami-san? You have to be clear if you want an idiot like me to understand!”

“You’re not an idiot, Komaeda-kun.” But he still narrowed his gaze in expectation, and Nanami went on, “Your aura _is_ more erratic than I’ve ever seen, even with young mages who can barely control their power. But you knew that already—didn’t you _say_ so before, too?”

“I might have mentioned it, in the hopes that you’d pick up on the hint,” He hummed, smoothing his robe down. Almost as though he were jittery, he moved from one foot to the other before chuckling, lowly. “I was hoping you’d pick up on a lot of things, Nanami-san. Like, for example, why tell you to come here, my former home, to fight a monster that destroyed it _years_ ago. It’d be one thing if this was our starting point of an investigation, but I said it’d be the final battle, didn’t I? Now why- _y_ would I say something like that? Didn’t that strike you as strange?”

All around them, there was still rubble and remains of a destroyed village, looking almost as they had once destroyed because of the ruined ground beneath, still dead and permeating the very feel of devastation. Even though it had been years, the place still looked as though it were eerily frozen in this state.

Nanami had seen all this, and she understood. She had suspected—but there was something else. There were traces of a certain aura all across the land, stifling any potential growth, which she picked up on—and her suspicions were confirmed.

Those traces were responding now, to the person standing before that broken statue, with the eeriest and calmest of smiles on his face.

“Nanami-san, you were likely born into a family of healers, right?” Komaeda asked, to which she nodded. Smile widening, he admitted, “That’s usually the case for mages. I, too, was born into a village of mages with particularly sensitive yet, hmm, destructive magic I should say. Control was imperative, and they even walled everyone in to contain that magic we were cursed with.  Well, I guess in a way you could say that contributed to this total destruction. Everyone was practically a ticking time bomb after all—the only mercy was our shortened lifespans.”

It wasn’t a surprise. Not really. She had suspected...

“When I was born, my aura was the most fitful they had seen. It was frightening, they thought! To think someone like this could potentially make their already precarious situation even _more_ perilous! They stressed control already, above all else, and I followed them as firmly as I could, of course... Until...” He paused, taking that moment to stare at his hands, where he could almost see the flickering fire of his magic at his very fingertips. It never went out—even when the village had been utterly destroyed. “...until the moment that I didn’t.”

Squeezing his hands into fists, Komaeda’s gaze flickered hopefully up to Nanami. Her expression was unreadable, her head so low that her short fringe hid her own gaze, but her frown was a deep, grim indent on that normally soft face. But her hand was not particularly reaching for the sword in the scabbard attached to her hip.

Other adventurers, once he started talking, were usually already reaching for their weapons. Sometimes they charged before he finished explaining—he never forgot their looks. Anger, disdain, shock—the same fear those other children would look at him with. His magic didn’t even let them run when it got to be too much for them once they had gotten this far.

Nanami was walking towards him, steadily, with her arms by her sides, hands remaining empty. Just the force of her aura was enough, and Komaeda could only watch, trembling and avid, as she came closer and closer until they stood in a short distance than arm’s length.

Slowly, yet firmly, she reached out and took his clenching hands in her own, her squeezing gentle, with both her grip and magic warm and comforting. Evenly, she met his gaze, unwavering and resolute before that soft smile returned as if it were the easiest thing.

Komaeda sighed, heavy and disappointed. “This is what I worried about. Nanami-san, you’re doing it all _wrong_.”

“I don’t think so,” she insisted, still with that smile, yet he recognized a plea in her tone. “I think you’re the one who’s wrong about this. That maybe, you know this isn’t the way to go but—you have trouble accepting a different solution... So what I’m saying is, rather than going against you like you want...” Her grip tightened, her stare sharpening as she stared at her hold on his hands. “I’m going to stay with you, instead. Because I’m not going to kill you, Komaeda-kun. Not if I have a say in it.”

“How disappointing,” Komaeda says as light as ever. “Then I guess I’ll just do whatever I want, then, if you won’t _stop_ me.”

He leaned in close, tugging against her unrelenting grip, and noting that Nanami’s gaze remained still and unwavering, he smirked and moved sudden enough for her to flinch back, her eyes shutting as cold, scratchy lips pressed against her brow.

But even as he tugged again against her grip, she didn’t let go of her hands. Moving from her brow to her ear, he murmured, “Nanami-san, with every adventurer before you, one of us had to die at the end. I wonder if you can hear them— _hear_ them crying out from betrayal and for vengeance like those from this village. To ignore them is quite insensitive of someone who wants to help everyone.”

He bit her ear, light enough that it didn’t hurt even as she flinched, before releasing it with a laugh. “I’ll kill you too, like the rest of them. They fought so valiantly, you know, trying so hard to defeat me if not defend themselves against me. That you won’t fight is not only disappointing, it’s such a _mockery_ towards them.”

“...No.” Nanami sighed, and then tightened her hold on his hands even more. Enough to the point it did hurt and made his magic flare up before her hands gradually softened around his, her thumbs tenderly stroking his quivering knuckles. “You’re not going to try to kill me, Komaeda-kun. You’re only trying to get yourself killed. I won’t do it. I’m not playing along.”

Komaeda pulled back with a huff, frustrated. “Then you failed my quest. And I have no more use for you. Let go of me, Nanami-san.”

“No.” Her voice was louder. “I won’t. I _said_ I’m staying by your side.”

“Let **_go_**.” He repeated, stubbornly, darkly, _dangerously_. “You’re being unfair, Nanami-san.  You should be grateful you’re going to live. Maybe you can go back to Kibougamine Inn—warn Hinata-kun and Kamukura-kun all about the truth behind that _thing_ that keeps coming to their inn.”

Firmer. “No. I won’t.”

“And _why’s_ that?” Komaeda challenged with a voice and glare cold and full of disdain. “Because you want to help me? Because you think if you’re with me long enough you can heal me? Is that it? To think you’d value your status as a healer over being an adventurer—it’s ridiculous and _asinine_ but what can I even ** _expect_** from—”

Nanami did release his hands. Or at least, one of them, in order to swing her arm back and slap him hard across the face. And that, in the very least, is enough to have him stumbling back, out of her gentle yet stern hold until his back hits that broken statue.

It’s almost like the magic at her fingertips from the slap started causing flashes before his eyes.

“ _Ah_...”

_His mother pulling her hand back, scolding him. Those kids with those cold, concerned stares. Those adults with those cold, contemptible ones. Somehow his parents still smiled at him in spite of all that—_

“...Wait...”

_It **burned** —everything burned so much. Even though the flames were out, it still felt like he was burning, he was shaking so bad. He stared at his trembling, dirtied hands, lit only by the night sky above, and stared up, up, up—_

“Come to think of it...” Komaeda mumbled, awestruck, as his hand brushed against his stinging cheek. “This is the first time an adventurer actually managed to hurt me.”

**_And that was_ just _—_**

He burst out laughing, voice breaking and unable to stop. He couldn’t even breathe—he just laughed and laughed and laughed as he crumbled against that statue, fingers tangling themselves into his hair as his hand pressed hard against his hurt cheek and practically dug its nails into the curve.

Komaeda couldn’t really respond to anything else but that desire to keep on laughing—didn’t even hear his name being called; it just blurred with everything else. In fact, everything was blurring together, his vision, his hearing, all he could feel was that cursed magic of his, swirling around and practically suffocating him while he could only keep laughing through it all.

It’s like he was falling, like that tainted, dead land was finally swallowing up and dragging him down. And he could only laugh. And laugh. **_And—_**

For a second, he saw flashes again. Someone. Pink. Still blurred but distinct, calling. For who, exactly, and who exactly—

_Nanami-san._

Nanami was close, looming over him, stricken and worried, and calling for him as he vaguely felt her hands trying to hold him up. But by the time he really registered any of it, his eyes fell shut, and he happily let that blackness swallow him up.

* * *

He’s burning. But he’s awake. And the groan he lets out is wretched.

“There, there,” Gentle fingers smooth the wet rag over his forehead. There’s a glow to them that takes bits and pieces of his pain away, and Komaeda groans again as someone sighs overhead. “You overheated, Komaeda-kun... I think...”

“Nana...mi-san...” Blurrily, he blinked a few times to get his vision to focus. He was laying down, in soft grass that wasn’t dead, and being coaxed to drink water that tasted far too fresh. He sputtered, and those gentle fingers wiped off his chin. “Urgh.” He whines. “Nanami- _san_...”

“I had to take you away from there, but this place should still be safe, I think,” Nanami explains, almost distantly. “I checked—but I’m still keeping any lookout for dangers. In the very least, the water here is clean. You should recover in no time.”

Komaeda rolls onto his side, huffing and wheezing, and she just placed her hand on his shoulder. He squirmed a bit, but she was still careful, murmuring soft comforts while he struggled to speak more and ended up giving up because his throat hurt too much for it.

“You know, Komaeda-kun, I had this quest, once,” Nanami started talking again, all light yet conversational, albeit rather dully as well. “There was a—well, it was called a monster but it was just a creature that people used to think of as kind. I think, too, that it must have been kind at some point. But...”

Her fingers dug into the grass, her voice lowering. “One day, someone recruited an adventurer to kill a pesky creature that was terrorizing travelers and traders. They did, but soon after, that ‘monster’ creature started rampaging, like it was in a blind rage, and how could it not be? That adventurer, as it turned out, was requested to kill her _child_. They turned out unable to take care of the mother, and when I passed by, the people were _begging_ any other adventurer to put her out of her misery. And I did.”

Nanami sighed, wistful and mournfully, and those kind fingers rubbed against his shoulder comfortingly. Even though Komaeda could barely respond, could only sigh himself, making her groan.

“I was told I had no choice—she was so mad with grief that nothing else could be done. I never want to see someone hurt like that again, Komaeda-kun. I never, ever want to see someone hurt like that and not be able to heal them—you actually weren’t completely wrong about that, but... Regardless...”

She swore, resolute and definite, “I’m _absolutely_ going to stay by your side no matter what happens until I can really help you.  I’m going to defeat that monster another way, I think, because there’s no way killing is the only answer. That’s too simple for a complicated world like this one—there had to be something else.”

_Nanami-san..._ Komaeda blinked, drearily and sighing. _You’re really, really worrying._ **Really** _—_

_What_ am _I supposed to do?_

For now, all he could do was rest. So he did. He shut his eyes tightly, and let himself fall again into a world without any of these complications.


End file.
